New insights gained today

Down to London today to work with others on the report being prepared for the Church of England Bishops on responding well to those in the churches who have been sexually abused.  It was a productive day as far as work is concerned but there were a couple of spin-off aspects personal to me.

During the afternoon I suddenly realised that I had unnecessarily assumed responsibility for trying to get an offender to get right with God and with those that he has hurt.  This was creating an unhelpful situation for me with disturbing dreams, but I am now confident that I need to let go and leave him to God.  I have tried many times in the past to encourage godly repentance but the line has to be drawn now.  If he were to repent and want to put things right I would be delighted, but for now I leave him to God.

The second insight that came today was that often those who experience sexual abuse suffer long term problems because it is the abuse of power and the controlling behaviour of their abusers that led to the sexual abuse that is the problem.  It is possible to be free from the dark shadow cast by the act or acts of abuse suffered but the underlying personality and behaviour of the abuser as a manipulative and controlling person is what seems - at least in some cases - to cast a longer shadow.  Recognising this is a step towards release.

A third insight was how the feelings and emotions experienced at the time of the abuse can complicate future attempts to address what happened.  For example, a young child who has been abused experiences certain emotions, but their immaturity might mean they are unable to process these.  Many years later in adult life, even when they have been able to talk about what happened, those childhood and limiting emotions still provide the context in which they recall what happened, and therefore the emotional context in which they try to work through the consequences.  The emotions might even appear irrational but they are likely to be powerful and hard to address until they have realised what has happened.

So I continue to learn how much damage and mess can be made of peoples lives by those who satisfy their sexual proclivities at the expense of others.  We continue to see the vast majority of Christian leaders ignorant of these issues and so we also see a lot of hurt and damaged people (possibly as many as 1 in 4) either left feeling unable to speak about what happened to them, or suffering from inappropriate and harmful pastoral responses.  Almost ten years on after writing "Time for Action" there is still need for much more action if our churches are to be places of healing.

If you are affected by this post and need to speak with someone I recommend Christian Survivors of Sexual Abuse at CSSA C/O 38 Sydenham Villas Rd, Cheltenham, Glos. GL5 26DZ.  Another useful organisation is MACSAS and they have a website at www.macsas.org.uk