Sharing Peter’s Shame

I hope you had a great Easter.  No doubt at some time over the past week you will have heard at least one mention of Peter and his tragic denial of Jesus.  Both Matthew and Luke tell us that he went outside and wept bitterly.  (Matthew 26:75; Luke 22:62).   Matthew states this was after hearing the cockerel crow and Luke adds that the Lord looked straight at Peter.  Leading up to Easter I tried to imagine how Peter was feeling in that moment.  What made him weep so bitterly?  Was he weeping for Jesus or over his own failure? Perhaps both, but certainly over his own failure.

We need to try to put ourselves into Peter’s shoes.  He was caught up in a dangerous situation and everything seemed out of control.  The Easter tragedy in Lahore brings home the fact that there are Christians in various parts of the world where just being a Christian puts your life at risk.  Clearly, Peter felt his life to be at risk or he would never have denied knowing Jesus.

But no matter what the mitigating circumstances, Peter knew that he had let the Lord down, and that he was not the man he thought he was.  In the light of that I would like to put my hand up to acknowledge the times when my behaviour has demonstrated that I am not the man I want to be.

The first time I received this salutary lesson took place in 1964.  I had joined an interdenominational mission led by people from Pentecostal churches.  Here, for the first time, I heard about the importance of being filled with the Holy Spirit. They spoke about an experience of being baptised in or with the Holy Spirit. Several of my friends from the Baptist Church and the Salvation Army who worked alongside me in this Mission had obvious experiences of the Holy Spirit coming on them in times of corporate prayer.  I was keen to receive anything that God could give that would make me a more effective evangelist.  But time and again, while others received a blessing I came away disappointed.

What made this difficult to accept was my own opinion of myself. I knew that I was at least as good a Christian as my friends.  In fact, if anything, I was more committed, and something of a spiritual leader among my peers.  So why was God withholding the blessing?   All I could see was that the problem was at God’s end of the promise; I was really keen and longing to receive the promised gift of the Holy Spirit in a similar if not the same way as my peers had experienced.

Occasionally our weekend team ministry across the denominations would take us to a Pentecostal church.  This was really embarrassing as lovely older men and women would ask if I had received this baptism in the Spirit, and I would have to confess I had not.  Sometimes they prayed with me but still God withheld the blessing. This situation reached a climax when the team was booked to conduct the Sunday services for a rural Assemblies of God church.  In the evening service, the leader of the team included in his message a point about the baptism of the Holy Spirit.  I knew that everyone else on the team had experienced this and assumed that all the nice Pentecostal people in the church had too.  It seemed clear to me that he was preaching a pointed sermon and that it was directed towards me.

As he spoke I rehearsed before God this man’s many faults.  He had an unpleasant judgmental attitude towards others, he was destructively critical and showed little sign or real love for sisters and brothers, over whom he lorded himself.  How dare he preach at me, who was kind, considerate of others and majored on the importance of love as a hallmark of our faith!

As I poured out my own condemnation on the one who regularly judged others, suddenly the Holy Spirit withdrew from me.  Up until that point I am not sure how aware I was of the Holy Spirit’s presence in my life.  But, in that sudden moment, his withdrawal was as dramatic as if the lights had suddenly gone out or the temperature had dropped ten degrees.  And I knew why.  I was not the man I thought I was or wanted to be.  While the sermon progressed I was having my own encounter with God.  I prayed, “Lord take away the bitterness and baptise me with your love”.  I had reached a point where I knew m self as a failure.

Hardly had the prayer left my mind, when a fountain of love and joy erupted from somewhere deep within me. As I felt the Holy Spirit’s return I let out a quiet “Hallelujah!”  As I did so a second fountain erupted from deep within.  The more I spontaneously responded in silent praise and thanks, the more the blessing came. (See John 7:38)  I was overwhelmed.  I had to sit through the closing hymn as my legs had turned to jelly.  I have never been drunk but I think that would be something like that. 

Sadly, on the way home that evening I listened to the team leader criticising another team member, but all I could do was laugh because all I felt was brotherly love towards a naturally un-loveable person.  How true it is that the Holy Spirit spreads the love of God into our hearts (See Romans 5:5).

I would like to be able to say that this was the only time that I let down both God and myself, but that would not be true. Like Paul who wrote to the Philippians, I know that I am not perfect.  I also know that if I am ever to be the kind of man I would want to be, it will only come about as a miracle of grace.  Perhaps God needs us to keep that awareness of our failure so that it keeps us hungering for God and holiness.

From the diary

Thank you for your prayers during the past ten days.  I praise God for his blessing.  Particular highlights include a service of thanksgiving for the life of Alan Buxton, one of our members at Yelvertoft.  A large congregation attended as we gave thanks for his life and celebrated the gospel.  On Tuesday I shared in a meeting for the Congregational Federation Accreditation group in Nottingham and on Wednesday travelled to London to share in an interesting meeting for the Free Churches Group.

On Good Friday I shared in leading a Stations of the Cross service at the prison.  While some aspects did not fit my personal theology I found this to be a precious time and it set me up for the communion service that followed in the village church. On Easter Sunday I had the privilege of leading worship at the prison before travelling the 17 miles to minister at the village church.  Together we share the joy, exclaiming, “Hallelujah!  Christ is risen!”

This week I shall be in the prison on Tuesday, and attending a Thanksgiving Service for the life of Alan Tarling who was a Christian friend and good influence in my life since my teens, and who served as a former trustee of Sunrise Ministries.  Normally, this week would be a semi-holiday as Doreen and I would have attended a church leaders conference.  Instead the time will be filled with various activities in Market Harborough and, at the end of the week in Sussex.

Thank you for your prayers that the Lord will provide an Anglican colleague for the prison chaplaincy team.  Interviews are being held.  Please keep praying for the members of Yelvertoft Congregational Church as they contemplate my forthcoming retirement from that aspect of ministry.

Thank you for your fellowship.

Barry

My Easter Experience

People often comment on how significant or timely the reflections in the Praise & Prayer News seem to be.  It is an encouragement to know this. I hesitated before writing this week, as a topic had not presented itself to my mind.  Then I wondered whether you would mind if I used this occasion to share something of my personal Easter experience, way back in 1963.

It really began several months before.  I had started attending a young people’s Bible study at a Baptist church (I was then 17) largely because I was strongly attracted to a very attractive girl who attended.  After going to this for a couple of weeks, the Minister of the church announced that the following week I would speak on my favourite psalm.  He had not asked me, and I wonder how he thought I would respond.  I had engaged in a debating society at school so thought I could manage it.  But the real decider was that this gave me an opportunity to impress Rosemary, so I agreed.

I was determined not to speak on Psalm 23 as that would have been too easy.  But as I sat in my bedroom trying to get my head around Psalm 121 I noticed a postcard I had purchased on a school trip to the Tate Gallery.  It was a picture of scattered sheep.  I picked it up and saw that it was a painting by W Holman Hunt (of Light of the World fame).  It was entitled, Strayed Sheep.  I was using an old study Bible that had belonged to an uncle who had been an evangelist with the Salvation Army. The uncle had died but his Bible had been passed on to me.  So I turned the pages back to Psalm 23 and started to read the notes.

The following week I spoke on Psalm 23 making reference to Isaiah 53:6 and confessing myself as a strayed sheep; and to John10 that speaks of Jesus as the Good Shepherd who gives his life for the sheep.  The only disappointment was that Rosemary wasn’t present to be impressed!  Afterwards, the Minister singled me out and said that now he knew where I stood when could he baptise me.  I wasn’t keen to be baptised but couldn’t come up with an excuse.  So began a series of preparation meetings on which I was joined by two of Rosemary’s brothers.

The date for the baptism was the evening service on Easter Day 1963.  The evening before an inter-church event was to be held on Hastings Pier with a guest speaker called Sylvia Smith.  She was described as an evangelist working with strippers and prostitutes in London.  As a young man with rampant hormones it sounded an attractive topic so I and several other young men went along. Sylvia gave an interesting talk about her work but slipped seamlessly into a message based on the words of Jesus from the cross, “Father, forgivethem, for they know not what they do” (The Authorised Version was commonly used back then).

While it could be argued that these words related to the soldiers who had hammered the nails through his hands and feet, Sylvia suggested that they included all who had been party to his crucifixion.  She proceeded to describe the role of Judas, Pilate, Herod and the soldiers; but also included Peter who denied knowing Jesus.  In each of her descriptions of them and their motives, I saw something of myself.  After each character she requoted that words of forgiveness.  As she did so, the gospel I knew ell from Sunday School days, slowly spread from my head into my heart.

As we stood to sing the closing hymn I felt the love of God as I could never have imagined it. The hymn was one I knew ell.  It was Isaac Watts’ “When I survey the wondrous cross”.  As I sang the first three verses my mind struggled over that last verse.  Silently I told God that I would not sing it unless he helped me to mean the words of surrender.  The third verse ended and I found myself singing wholeheartedly, “Were the whole realm of nature mine, that were an offering far too small; love so amazing, so divine, demands my soul, my life my all.”

What a prelude to the event the following evening when, before a packed church, I professed myself a disciple of Jesus and walked into the baptismal pool and the arms of that tricky Minister who got me to speak about my favourite Psalm.  I am indebted to the Rev Gordon Hunt, to Sylvia Smith, (and I guess to Rosemary), to my parents and many in the church who never gave up praying for me through several years of abandoning church and living an extremely ungodly life.

As the waters closed over my head they symbolised what had already taken place as the old Barry Osborne sought to die to self and sin.  Then Gordon’s arms raised me up, symbolising the new life that had begun.  How we sang, “My chains fell off, my heart was free; I rose went forth and followed thee”

This Easter, a great-niece will be baptised.  If her Easter experience is half as significant as mine, and if it leads, as mine has done, to a life of joyful service for Jesus, she will be blessed indeed.

Well, that’s my personal Easter.  I hope you have your own personal Easter, though it will probably differ from mine as the Easter experience for Peter differed a little from that of the two who walked to Emmaus.  But may the love from the cross and the power of the empty tomb excite you afresh this year.  Sing the hymns and make the acclamation as loud as you can, for he is risen indeed!

Praise & Prayer

Please keep praying for the post of Anglican Chaplain to be filled at the prison where I work on Tuesday afternoons.  Two candidates have come forward and interviews are taking place.

I am working in the prison on Good Friday morning and taking the Easter Sunday service before travelling to Yelvertoft for the service there.  Palm Sunday is a joint service in the village with a procession of witness through the village.

Monday 21^st – taking part in a funeral service in Rugby for a great saint called home.  Alan was part of the church at Yelvertoft.

Tuesday 22^nd – taking part in an accreditation review process for the Congregational Federation in Nottingham.

Wednesday 23^rd – taking part in the Free Churches Group Meeting in London.

Good Friday and Easter Sunday (see above).  On Saturday we will hold “Get Messy” which is our children and family event at Yelvertoft.  Please pray that this Easter will see many new people attending our churches and coming to faith.

Thank you.

Barry

Mission Lessons from DIY-SOS

I often find myself sitting in tears at the end of a DIY SOS programme on television when one of their epic activities has transformed a home to better serve the needs of a family struggling with disability. What moves me is not the entertaining personalities and interactions of Nick Knowles and team, nor even the pace and skill of the work they undertake; it is the emotional response of both the beneficiaries and the emotional response from the large crowd of volunteers, many of whom are also moved to tears.

For any that are unfamiliar with this BBC programme, it features a team of four craftsmen in the building trade plus Nick Knowles who somehow holds it all together, provides motivation and functions as the presenter.  He is also ready to get his hands dirty.  They offer their services to people who have a major domestic building task they cannot manage themselves, often featuring people with disabilities.  Nick Knowles and the team issue a ‘call to arms’ and recruit friends, family and local trades to help transform the homes of families across Britain. This usually results in an enormous sized team who somehow manages to work together and around one another and achieve in just a few days something that would normally take months to complete.  It is the crowd of volunteers and generosity involved that creates the wow factor.

The biblical equivalent is the rebuilding of the walls of Jerusalem achieved in only 52 days (See the story of Nehemiah)

Not far from my home a commercial building has been under construction for many months.  Clearly the task of building it will take a set amount of people hours, specific material and skills.  I found myself wondering what it might have looked like if the contractors had approached the task using the DIY SOS method.  The building would have been completed far more quickly and put to use generating employment and income. 

If it works in one context, why is it not being used in another?  Perhaps there is an economic factor I haven’t fully considered.  Similar approaches have been taken for crowd funding (raising money for projects by smaller amounts from a large number of people), and crowd research programmes using the internet.

Much of my Christian ministry has been spent trying to motivate people, who claim to follow Jesus, to share their story of faith.  One of the ways I do this (often in family services) is by suggesting that I might be a very wealthy relative who would like to offer pocket money each week for one year.  There are two options: either £50 each week or start with 1p and double it each week.  Week one is 1p, week two is 2p, week three is 4p and so one.  Many suspect a catch so I steadily increase the fixed sum offer up to £50,000 per week.  By then most seem to want the £2,600,000 that would achieve.  But what would the 1p deal have produced?

£180,143,985,094,820

  

And it all started with 1p.  So, if next week one person told someone about their faith, and the power of the gospel brought that person to faith; and the following week both told people about their faith, and the power of the gospel brought two more to faith; and the week after that all four told people about their faith, and the power of the gospel brought four more to faith; and this continued for a year….. wow!  Not all will believe but all would have heard the gospel.

In the Bible people who had just met with Jesus were keen to tell others and so the news spread.  Not all were gifted evangelists.  Some had doubts or uncertainties but they shared what they did know and told what had happened to them.  So is “crowd evangelism” just a dream or might it be possible?

Praise & Prayer Items from the Diary

We give God praise and thanks for blessing on Bible teaching ministry over the past week.  It is encouraging to get positive feedback.

The visit to Kent was productive.  A key part of this was meeting with fellow trustees of Action for Christ (formerly Mission for Christ).  This is a ministry devastated by criminal and other inappropriate action by a former trustee.  We are now re-building and have a vision for the future.  We would value your prayers as we seek to transfer trusteeship of a small rural church in Kent to the members of the church.  This will enable them to take better ‘ownership’ of the work which has been growing through the past year.  It was good to see evidence of outreach.

Gordon Bank’s webinar presentation went well and we both enjoyed the teamwork.  One participant described it as “Hugely helpful and interesting”. The next webinar will be after Easter, date to be confirmed.  Please drop me an email if you want to suggest any rural mission topic we could cover.

It was a joy to have Doreen’s company at Leeds where I was providing sessions for the Salvation Army’s Safeguarding programme.  Once again several expressed appreciation for the helpfulness of the sessions.  I discovered one of the 20 who attended receives and appreciates Praise & Prayer News.  Other Christian leaders have also been commenting on their relevance and helpfulness.  Please pray that God will continue to use them to encourage and bless the readers.

I would value your prayers for a personal situation in which I and a good friend act as trustees for a Will. Under the Will (left in 1979) we have an immediate duty towards the, now elderly, daughter as well as safeguarding the capital which ultimately must be used for rural evangelism. We have reached a critical point and need wisdom to take the right actions in the best interest of the beneficiaries.

This week I shall meet with other Christian leaders at the Churches Together in England Enabling Group meeting at High Leigh, Hoddesdon on Thursday and Friday, 10^th and 11^th March.

Your prayers for the church at Yelvertoft, Northants, which I have served as Minister for the past 10 years, will be appreciated.  I am looking to conclude this ministry and the church members are seeking God’s guidance regarding future ministry as I seek to reduce my commitment there.  They and I need God’s guidance.

Please pray for Katrina who will be taking up Children and Family Ministry with Rural Mission Solutions in May alongside other ministry.  Katrina and her family move to a new home and a new church in mid-March.

Thank you for praying.  John Wesley one said, “God does nothing but in answer to prayer”.  I believe he was talking in the context of the effectiveness of Christian ministry.  It is a bold and challenging comment, which should make us pray and then pray more.

I pray that the Lord will abundantly bless you and make you fruitful in his service.

Barry