You may well have heard someone say at some time, “Church would be great if it wasn’t for the people in it!” I have been pondering recently, how often people have been stumbled in their faith by bad behaviour in a church context. Sometimes people do fall out and some more easily than others. While that might be a fact of life, most of us would not want to find it happening at church.
But the Bible does make allowance for - but does not excuse - bad behaviour among Christians. Most of us would not want to confess to being difficult to get on with or the cause of friction. It always seems as if it is the other person or people who are to blame.
This reminds me of my time working in a small Valuation Office as a young man while in training as an evangelist. Back in those days we had a tea break both morning and afternoon. Although there were only twenty of us on the staff there was an interesting mix of personalities, and tea breaks provided an opportunity for some to complain about others. Through it all, an elderly valuer, Mr Jones, would quietly mutter, “The faults we find in others are most often found in ourselves”. I must have heard him say that at least once a month.
But spotting the problems in others seems to be easier than spotting the faults in our own lives. Jesus addressed this issue in Matthew 7: 1-5 where he uses the hyperbole of someone removing a speck of sawdust from a brother’s eye while ignoring a plank in their own eye!
I wonder whether some of the problem is that we expect perfection from other people, especially our brothers and sisters in Christ. However, problems are often made worse because we do not know how to deal with imperfection. It is all too easy to ignore problems and hope they will go away or to be so offended that we walk away hurt. Neither response is appropriate.
A good place to start would be for anyone who has been offended by a brother or sister (or even someone who is not a Christian) to take a moment to reflect on why they feel offended. Is there any truth in something that has been said, or a good reason for the offending action? Before we exacerbate a situation, a better course of action might be to reflect on whether the cause lies with us. I knew a man who once became upset when a neighbour’s drain caused some flooding on his property. It wasn’t until after he had complained that he discovered that they shared a common drain and that there was a blockage on his side of the drain that was the cause of the flooding.
Sometimes one person’s (we’ll call him A) unhelpful behaviour towards another (we’ll call her B) is a result of what was perceived as previous unhelpful behaviour by B towards A. If only the problem had been addressed before it started to get out of hand!
After searching our own hearts to see if a problem or cause might lie in us, we need to consider whether an offence is sufficient to make a fuss about it. The apostle Paul writes about a love that keeps no record of wrongs (1 Corinthians 13:5). The apostle Peter also writes, “love covers a multitude of sins” (! Peter 4:8). Sometimes all that is needed is the grace to love and forget, and then move on.
However, doing nothing about it is not always sufficient, but any consequential action or words still need to come from a heart of genuine love. If we cannot find sufficient love of ourselves then we should pray for the Holy Spirit to enable us to help us love others as we are loved by God.
Writing to the Christians in Rome, Paul declares that he believes they had reached sufficient spiritual maturity to be able to admonish one another. The NIV translates the Greek as ‘instruct’ (Romans 15:14). This implies that not all are perfect, but perfect enough to be able to both give and receive correction. To admonish, in the biblical sense in which the word is used, is not telling someone off, but lovingly, gently, and humbly providing instruction. Colossians 3:16 has more on this.
So behind the concept of admonishing is ensuring that motives are correct. Again in Romans we read, “Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” Romans 12:16-18
Jesus, in his ministry, made only two references to the church. One of these was about the management of offence. It is recorded in Matthew 18: 15 -17 and shows a process towards reconciliation, and what to do if all fails. We note that it begins with an honest conversation between the one offended and the offender. Often when there has been a difficult relationship between two people that is lovingly properly resolved, there is a wonderful friendship that develops.
Going back to Mr Jones, and the words he so often muttered, reminds me to add that we all need to recognise faults in ourselves. For none of us are perfect. The words of James 5:16 about confessing our sins to one another, has proved controversial over the years. But if we simply understand this as an encouragement to acknowledge that we all mess things up from time to time, might make our relationship with one another more healthy.
“The faults we find in others are most often found in ourselves.” Great sermon, Mr Jones!
