Family Squabbles

Bible Reading:  Luke 10: 38 - 42  At the home of Martha and Mary

As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, ‘Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!’

‘Martha, Martha,’ the Lord answered, ‘you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed – or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.’

Commentary

Only Luke records this incident, and I wonder what he wanted us to learn from it.  As far as we know, this is the first time that Jesus visited the home of Mary, Martha and Lazarus.  Martha and Mary seem to be contrasting personalities, and we sometimes use them today. Some people consider themselves more of a Mary than a Martha.  

Question:  What do they mean by that?

Others, think of themselves as more of a Martha than a Mary.

Question:  What do they mean by that?

Martha seems to be a doer.  She seeks to serve Jesus by what she does.  Her sister shows her devotion by wanting to be still and listen to what Jesus has to say.

Take a moment to discuss who thinks they are more like Martha than Mary?

Question:  In what ways do Christians show their faith actively like Martha and in what ways do Christians show their faith reflectively like Mary?

We notice that it is Martha who has invited Jesus into their home.  We do not know how she has learned about Jesus. She might have heard him on one occasion.  Or she might only have heard about him. But as he passes by their home she grasps the opportunity to get to know him more.

Question:  What do you think she was thinking as she invited an important person into her home?  How do you feel when you have a surprise guest turn up at your home?

Luke uses the phrase “Opened her home to him”.  We might have visitors to whom we might say, “Make yourself at home”.  But do we really mean that?  Do we mean that they can go where they like and sit wherever they might want to, or possibly rearrange things in our home, as if it was their own?  

Question: Do you have rooms or cupboards you would hope visitors would not see?  If we have invited Jesus into our lives, does that mean he has access to every part of our lives, and can make changes?

It seems that Martha sets about preparing a meal for Jesus and possibly everyone else.  Eastern hospitality is different to our. There would be no progression through courses.  Nor would they offer just a few biscuits or a cake with a drink. It is normal to be generous and a range of different food, some sweet and some savoury will be presented at the same time.

Can you imagine Martha hunting through cupboards for special treats she had set by, or looking for the ingredients to make something tasty?  Is there something special in or from your kitchen that you like to give to guests?

Question:  What have we got that we can offer to Jesus?

While Martha is frantically trying to get everything just right, finding lots of tasty food and perhaps in a bit of a panic, her sister is simply sitting at the feet of Jesus listening to what he has to say.  

Question: Was this only for her own benefit, or is listening to what Jesus has to say also for his benefit?  How can we benefit from the words of Jesus today? In what ways might this also benefit Jesus?

It is probable that as Martha is flustered by all she is trying to do, she begins to resent her sister’s apparent idleness.  She breaks into what Jesus is doing and demands that he tells Mary to come and help her. To me, her attitude seems rather rude and demanding.

Question:  Could there be times when we have an agenda and want God to fit in with our plans, without considering what he would rather be doing in our lives and in our church?

Jesus responds by gently and kindly admonishing Martha.  He points out that what she is trying to do for him is making her worried and upset.  Sometimes, our desires to do things for God also become burdensome, worrying and distressing.

Question:  In such situations what might we hear Jesus say to us?

Finally, Jesus states that only one this is really necessary.  Mary has chosen what is better.

Question:  In what way do you think this was better?

AFTERTHOUGHT:  We are all different kinds of people but God loves us all.  In John 12 we read of a later incident. Read John 12:1-3. We find Mary offering costly devotion, Martha busy serving, and Lazarus, now raised from the dead sitting there.  Each could be said to be doing their thing for Jesus?  Whatever our personality, we can use who we are in his service.

In John 11:5 we read: “Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus.”  It is good to know that Jesus loves us, but he also loves others just as much!

Surprised by Visitors

During the past week, I suddenly found two applications on my computer I was not expecting.  It is possible that these had been bundled with a programme I did want to download, but I can’t be sure.  However, while neither was malicious, they were a nuisance and had to go.  A few clicks later and a bit of patience and they had gone.  The experience made me remember something I had written for a couple of magazines about how we respond to visitors at church.

Often churches have the words “All Welcome” on their outside noticeboards, but it is rare to find a church that has a good strategy in place for welcoming visitors.  Indeed, out of the many hundreds of churches I have visited over the years, only two seemed to have such a strategy.  In both situations, I felt more like a guest than a visitor, and that is the first point I would like to make.

Occasionally, visitors turn up on my doorstep, a little like the programmes I suddenly found running on my computer this morning.  They are unexpected and I probably have little or no interest in the purpose of their visit.  On other occasions, I find a friend who I am pleased to welcome.  I invite them in and do my best to make them feel welcome.  If they are wearing a top coat I usually offer to take that and hang it up for them.  I ask whether they might like some refreshment.  If they have travelled some distance I will ensure they know where the bathroom is and put them at ease if they need it.

If we had been watching TV or listening to some music, we turn it off so that they can become the focus of our attention.  We offer them a comfortable seat in an appropriate position.  By now they know that I am pleased to see them.  After their visit has ended I usually tell them what a delight it has been and welcome a further visit in the future.

How do you welcome visitors to your home, and how does that compare with welcoming visitors to your church?  My best welcome was received in a well-attended Baptist Church in rural Herefordshire.  I was greeted at the door by a man and woman who clearly had skills in hospitality.  They recognised me as a ‘stranger’ and politely enquired whether I was on holiday in the area.  The enquiry was gentle so I did not feel I was being interrogated.  Once I had explained the reason for my visit (it was research and I already had permission to take photos during the service), I was encouraged to sign their visitors book.  One of the two then took me to the inner door, pointing out the facilities along the way and informing me about the nature of the service, and coffee afterwards.

A man was stationed at the inner door, giving out hymn books.  As we approached I saw him reach for an information leaflet.  I was introduced by name to this man, who was also informed of the reason for my visit.  He asked whether I preferred to sit upstairs or downstairs.  I opted for upstairs for the better view of a baptism that would take place.  As he left his position to lead me upstairs, I noticed another person quietly take his place.

Upstairs I was introduced, again by name, to a family who welcomed me to sit with them.  All the way through the process there were warm handshakes and lots of smiles.  It made me feel appreciated and included.  It was clear to me that I had experienced the consequence of a good strategy.  The hospitality continued through the refreshments afterwards.

What a contrast to a typical welcome to church that visitors receive.  An unfriendly handshake (perhaps) with a few books thrust into the hand, and left to wander to find an appropriate place to sit!

The subject of welcome is included in one of the seminars we run through Rural Mission Solutions.  There is a recording of the webinar on the website and a free download document about a better welcome.  You will find various other suggestions in it.  The video is far from the best we produce.  I plan to replace this with an improved version and to create a video talk specifically about welcome.  Meanwhile, if you would like to look at the video or to download the resources CLICK HERE.

I encourage people to think ‘guest’ rather than ‘visitor’, and ‘hospitality’ rather than ‘welcome’.  If you can create a strategy, please think about using people who are naturally hospitable and good at looking after guests.  Why not include this as a topic for your Church Meeting or PCC, or encourage a small team to draft suggestions?

But there is always the risk of an unwelcome visitor arriving at church.  Paedophiles see churches as providing opportunity for their activities.  Please do not be paranoid about this.  If you have a well-trained safeguarding person in your church then include them in the discussion and planning about how you respond to visitors.  If you have a safeguarding certificate or poster, it is good practice to have this prominently on display.  That usually will warn off that kind of unwanted visitor.  Keeping an eye on behaviour is important.  A good guest respects their hosts.  Just as you would be shocked to find a visitor rummaging through cupboards or entering rooms without permission, often an inappropriate visitor will give themselves away by their behaviour.

Your welcome strategy needs appropriate management elements.

As a final word on the topic, I point you to the verse in the Bible that God used to draw me to himself.  It is in John 6:37 where Jesus says that whoever comes to him he would never turn away.  I came to him more as a visitor, but he welcomed me as a guest, and we became good friends.

From the Diary

I am taking advantage of a relatively quieter time in the diary, to catch up on some administration and do some writing.

Please pray as I explore ways for promoting the work of Rural Mission Solutions and building up the team and support base.  One of the areas of concern is our work to help rural churches develop effective and appropriate programmes to help children come to faith, grow in faith and find their place within God’s mission.

Sunday 24^th September Sunday Service at HMP Gartree, Leics.

Monday 25^th School Assembly, Lubenham, Leics.

Tuesday 26^th Regular work at HMP Gartree

Thursday 28^th Country Way Editorial Board Meeting

Sunday 30^th Joining others to plan an outreach project for a church in Northants.

Sunday 1^st October – Congregational Federation East Midlands Area Autumn Assembly

Thank you for your prayers, support and encouragement.

Barry – 23^rd September 2017

A proper welcome

Most of the folk that receive this news or read by email it on my blog are confident Christians and I suspect that the majority, like me, will have never been inside a betting shop.  I think I might find it a strange experience.  Some betting shops have painted windows that prevent one from seeing inside.  I actually don't know much about betting but I know that when betting on horse races there are things called "Odds" which my schoolboy maths should help me to understand.  But I have heard people talking about "Each Way" and "On the nose" and "Accumulators".  Then there's "Ajax " (and it's not a cleaner), and what is meant by"Bar Price"?  It all sounds too complicated for me!  I just wouldn't know what to do if I went into a betting shop.  I would feel conspicuous.  People might stare at me!

I guess that's the way some folk feel about going to church.  After all you can believe in God without going to church, in the same way that you could enjoy watching a horse race on the TV.  Some churches have coloured windows so you cannot see in from outside.  They have their own distinct jargon and use words that mean nothing to most people (Grace!  That's a girl's name isn't it!).  How do you know when to stand, sit or kneel?  As for singing... you can forget that!

Perhaps it would help if we stop and ask ourselves what the church experience means for ourselves.  It might be worship, or Bible teaching, or fellowship and friendship, or all three, or something else.  But if we put ourselves in the shoes of those neighbours or friends that don't go to church, what might they gain by coming?  And how might we help them discover the good things that church has to offer?

In my mission consultancy work I usually ask the people in the church where I am working to describe their church.  Almost invariably they will say, "We are friendly and welcoming".  But when I ask them to describe how they would welcome a friend turning up unexpectedly at their home we discover that this is vastly different from how they welcome people at church.  Let me describe two experiences I have had.

The first was when I was part of a team conducting a series of outreach meetings for several village churches in Essex. Part way through the series we arrived at one church after having had a couple of week's break.  We were shocked to find that the local church members had not put up any posters or distributed the leaflets we had left them.  There were two elderly men in the church (possibly the entire membership) who explained that it was no good putting up posters or giving out leaflets as no one comes from outside anyway.  The mission team got on with the task of getting the publicity out.

At the first meeting a few folk from another village church turned up and took seats near the front of the chapel.  The two men turned up and took their seats at the back on either side of the chapel.  We were just about to start when a lady walked in who we did not recognise.  The two men turned their back on her but the folk at the front gave her a cheery welcome to come and sit with them.  That night we learned that this woman was seriously planning suicide, but she welcomed Jesus into her life instead.  As she left the two men again turned away from her.  One of them told me "She won't come again; they never do!"  She did attend every meeting and has gone on in the faith

I visited a village church in Herefordshire.  It had a reputation of being a growing church with a strong local membership and I was there researching its story.  On the Sunday (my first day) I followed others into the church through a new main entrance into the bright atrium that bridged the chapel and the hall.  Here I was met my a man and woman who instantly recognised that I was a visitor.  They introduced themselves by name, welcomed me and engaged in warm and friendly conversation, clearly wanting to know more about me.  There was a visitor's book on a stand and I was asked if I would like to write in it.

The woman then invited me into what was a large hospitality area from which a side door led into the main chapel.  Here there was a man handing out hymn books and notice sheets.  I saw him discreetly pick up another card which I correctly guessed had information for visitors.  The lady introduced me by name to the mad at the inner door who then asked where I would like to sit but suggested I would get a very good view from the gallery.  I agreed and he then left his post, still chatting to me in a warm and friendly way and informed me that there was a farming family to whom he would like to introduce me.  Out of the corner of my eye I spotted a woman rise and take his place at the door.

On arrival in the gallery I was again introduced by name to the family who, I was informed had attended the church since it was a much smaller congregation.  Again, interest in who I was, where I lived, and what I did made me the focus.  I felt thoroughly included, and at home.  After the service I was looked after throughout the time as we gathered informally in the atrium for coffee.  Lots of smiles and pleasant introductions.  The growth in congregation (possibly ten times its original size had as much to do with the hospitality shown to visitors as the worship style (fairly traditional) or the preaching.

Some people are just great at hospitality, and clearly these should be given the task of ensuring that everyone that comes through the door feels appreciated from the start.  Take a moment to think about your own church and consider whether the hospitality people experience there matches the best kind of hospitality that is shown by a good host receiving a visitor to his or her home.  Are you using the right people?  Strangely, one of the ways in which new people to our church seem to have settled is by accepting their offer to help wash up after coffee.

Why not add a comment on this blog describing the welcome people receive in your church.

From the diary

• A busy pastoral week has just past.  For example, on one day I visited the home in the village where a lovely man had just died.  I then visited the home of a man whose funeral I had conducted the week before.  I then visited a family back in Market Harborough for whom the local funeral director had asked if I would conduct a funeral (two Congregational ministers having moved to new locations recently).
• Over recent months an unusual situation had caused a considerable amount of distress to a number of churches.  The matter is far too complicated to go into here but it has presented a challenge to me to seek to understand the situation and act appropriately.  It has been yet another example that there is considerable cost to pay if you choose not to "pass by on the other side" ( The Good Samaritan - see Luke 10: 25-37)
• During the week I met with Lorna (a lay minister at our village Parish Church) to plan the outline for a week of mission to three villages as part of 'Hope in our Villages).  More information about that to follow.
• I will be conducting Sunday meetings at Yelvertoft this morning and next Sunday.
• The week is largely free from engagements (apart from Sundays and the regular ministry at HMP Gartree on Tuesday) but there are bound to be more challenging situations to address, pastoral work, and the inevitable administration.  This last item will include letters of thanks to those who have sent donations over the last few busy weeks.  We are grateful for the way your prayers and support keep our ministry going.

Something to ponder:  Do you think Jesus had a sense of humour, and if so where does it show in the gospels?

Thank you so much for your interest and prayers.

Barry

Rural Hospitality

Whenever I work with a church to review its missional life I ask the members to tell me about their church.  In every situation to date their response has included "We are very welcoming" or some similar comment.  However, in my experience there is a large gap between the quality of hospitality offered at home and that offered at most churches.  This is an area that every church needs to keep under constant review and I plan to use this week's blog to address the issue.

Get it right and small rural churches come alive.  It is something our small rural churches can do well but which large urban churches can never achieve.  Get it wrong and your church might as well get its will written now!  Long after our visitors have forgotten what hymns were sung and what the sermon was about, they will be able to recall how they felt, and especially how we made them feel.

One way in which I try to help churches think this through is to describe to me what would happen if I was an old friend who visited unexpectedly while passing their door.  The added complication is that they already have a visitor with whom they were chatting over a cup of coffee or tea.  Typically these are the actions that follow:

• I would be greeted with warmth and joy
• Having been welcomed in my host would offer to take my coat and would show me where it was hung
• I would be informed as to what was already taking place
• I would be asked if I needed the toilet/bathroom
• I would be asked if I wanted a cup of coffee/tea
• I would be led into the room where the other guest was and properly introduced
• I would be invited to sit where I would be comfortable
• For a while I would be the focus for conversation - what was I up to?  How is it I was in the area?
• Then I would be integrated into previous conversation (providing it was not confidential)
• On departure I would be asked if I needed the toilet/bathroom, given my coat, and assured I was always welcome.

We then explore the quality of hospitality given to visitors to the church and identify the gaps.  You can make your own comparisons.  Have you ever noticed how much of the story of Jesus is about his response to the intrusions of other people.  We need to do hospitality the Jesus way.

One church I visited amazed me when I used their toilet.  By the wash basin was a small wicker basket in which a number of small soft cloth hand towels (they may have been face towel) were rolled up.  A bin was provided for the used towels, which were obviously then laundered.  How much better was that than paper towels or warm air dryers!  It had a feeling of quality that made me feel that this was a church that was thoughtful and cared about the comfort of its members and guests.  Obviously there are some situations where paper towels are the obvious solution, but do you use them in your bathroom at home?  No?  Why not?

And while writing about bathrooms I ought to comment about the quality of toilet paper.  Far too many churches purchase cheap toilet rolls of an inferior size and quality compared to that which they use at home.  How about doing an audit about the visual, and emotional impact your church has on first time visitors.  Remember, it is this that often speaks louder and longer than any sermon they might hear, so let's make it part of the good news.

A matter of praise
The funeral service for Chris, the man who died tragically in our village was an amazing experience.  It was my first open-air funeral (in over 40 years) and the involvement of accordion and silver band music (reflecting Chris involvement in morris dancing and brass bands) made it very special.  The actual setting of the amphitheatre overlooking a lake Chris had helped to design and stock added to the experience.  Click here to read more.  Give thanks for the good attendance, for the opportunity to share something of the gospel while giving thanks for Chris' life.  Pray that the Holy Spirit will apply the gospel words to the hearts of those who came.

A focus for prayer
Following a marriage blessing service I will conduct on Monday, Doreen and I will be off to Kent and Sussex until Friday.  While some of this time enables a few days break, with visit to family and friends in the area, the work focus is moving the Action for Christ offices from Peasmarsh to Bodiam (both in East Sussex).  Organising the move has been largely my responsibility.  I am thankful for the small team of volunteers and the preparatory work done by office staff.  Pray that all will go well as the practical work takes place on Tuesday and Wednesday, and that the office staff will settle in to their new home.

Finally thanks for your prayers, encouragement and practical support of our ministry.  Do let me know your thoughts on how the quality of our hospitality supports or detracts from the message of generous love we have to share with others.

This week's text is “Great peace have those who love your law, and nothing can make them stumble.” Psalm 119:165.

May the Lord abundantly bless you.

Barry