Family Squabbles

Bible Reading:  Luke 10: 38 - 42  At the home of Martha and Mary

As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, ‘Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!’

‘Martha, Martha,’ the Lord answered, ‘you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed – or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.’

Commentary

Only Luke records this incident, and I wonder what he wanted us to learn from it.  As far as we know, this is the first time that Jesus visited the home of Mary, Martha and Lazarus.  Martha and Mary seem to be contrasting personalities, and we sometimes use them today. Some people consider themselves more of a Mary than a Martha.  

Question:  What do they mean by that?

Others, think of themselves as more of a Martha than a Mary.

Question:  What do they mean by that?

Martha seems to be a doer.  She seeks to serve Jesus by what she does.  Her sister shows her devotion by wanting to be still and listen to what Jesus has to say.

Take a moment to discuss who thinks they are more like Martha than Mary?

Question:  In what ways do Christians show their faith actively like Martha and in what ways do Christians show their faith reflectively like Mary?

We notice that it is Martha who has invited Jesus into their home.  We do not know how she has learned about Jesus. She might have heard him on one occasion.  Or she might only have heard about him. But as he passes by their home she grasps the opportunity to get to know him more.

Question:  What do you think she was thinking as she invited an important person into her home?  How do you feel when you have a surprise guest turn up at your home?

Luke uses the phrase “Opened her home to him”.  We might have visitors to whom we might say, “Make yourself at home”.  But do we really mean that?  Do we mean that they can go where they like and sit wherever they might want to, or possibly rearrange things in our home, as if it was their own?  

Question: Do you have rooms or cupboards you would hope visitors would not see?  If we have invited Jesus into our lives, does that mean he has access to every part of our lives, and can make changes?

It seems that Martha sets about preparing a meal for Jesus and possibly everyone else.  Eastern hospitality is different to our. There would be no progression through courses.  Nor would they offer just a few biscuits or a cake with a drink. It is normal to be generous and a range of different food, some sweet and some savoury will be presented at the same time.

Can you imagine Martha hunting through cupboards for special treats she had set by, or looking for the ingredients to make something tasty?  Is there something special in or from your kitchen that you like to give to guests?

Question:  What have we got that we can offer to Jesus?

While Martha is frantically trying to get everything just right, finding lots of tasty food and perhaps in a bit of a panic, her sister is simply sitting at the feet of Jesus listening to what he has to say.  

Question: Was this only for her own benefit, or is listening to what Jesus has to say also for his benefit?  How can we benefit from the words of Jesus today? In what ways might this also benefit Jesus?

It is probable that as Martha is flustered by all she is trying to do, she begins to resent her sister’s apparent idleness.  She breaks into what Jesus is doing and demands that he tells Mary to come and help her. To me, her attitude seems rather rude and demanding.

Question:  Could there be times when we have an agenda and want God to fit in with our plans, without considering what he would rather be doing in our lives and in our church?

Jesus responds by gently and kindly admonishing Martha.  He points out that what she is trying to do for him is making her worried and upset.  Sometimes, our desires to do things for God also become burdensome, worrying and distressing.

Question:  In such situations what might we hear Jesus say to us?

Finally, Jesus states that only one this is really necessary.  Mary has chosen what is better.

Question:  In what way do you think this was better?

AFTERTHOUGHT:  We are all different kinds of people but God loves us all.  In John 12 we read of a later incident. Read John 12:1-3. We find Mary offering costly devotion, Martha busy serving, and Lazarus, now raised from the dead sitting there.  Each could be said to be doing their thing for Jesus?  Whatever our personality, we can use who we are in his service.

In John 11:5 we read: “Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus.”  It is good to know that Jesus loves us, but he also loves others just as much!

Better Business Meetings

You know what they say about business meetings: “They take minutes but waste hours”! You know what they say about a camel: “It was a horse designed by committee”!  Did you know that at some time in the past, often Africans named their children to honour visiting missionaries and their work.  One poor child was called “Committee”.  But enough already!  I have met more people stumbled in their faith because of badly managed Church Meetings and I would like to try to do something about that.

Here then are a few lessons that I have learned over the years.

Before you jump into the business meeting (PCC, Church meeting, Kirk Session, etc) take a few moments for some social interaction.  You might find it helps to start with refreshments.  You could have an open sharing time – perhaps asking someone to briefly share their holiday experience.  Ease into the meeting.  Five minutes spent in this way could save you a lot of time and tears later.

I’m a firm believer in the value of setting a context of worship.  This could be a short reading (perhaps a suitable Psalm – but not one about smiting enemies!), perhaps a hymn could be sung, and certainly a prayer should be said.  The prayer should major on worship and thanksgiving, before commending the meeting to God.  This will also provide an opportunity for someone other than the person in the Chair to give a lead.  It’s a way of expressing that everyone is valued.

Plan the agenda sensibly.  Usually, minutes need to be approved and apologies given.  Try to keep this really brief.  Never put a controversial or contentious item near the top of the agenda.  Enjoy some time of happy agreement if possible.

Know your colleagues and help them contribute to the discussions and decisions in a sensible way.  Watch out for those who become passionate in argument, those who seem to have difficulty stopping speaking, and who hog the time, and those who just sit silent (or even worse sullen and silent).  Try to make it an enjoyable experience for everyone.

Remind yourself that while there might be some enthusiasts in the meeting, raring to go on a new project, there will also be some who need time to think before they commit.  Silence is not always a sign of agreement.  If you are in the Chair try to encourage those more quiet to share their thoughts, but don’t pounce on them.  That would be the last thing they want.

A wonderful way of enabling everyone to fully share in decision making, and ensure that decisions are made in a healthy way, was explained to me when I was doing a management degree course.  It is an ideal way to deal with those awkward topics that can cause upset, or to which people come with loaded agendas.  Such preformed opinions are not always personal.  Sometimes Christians will take up a strong and stubborn position simply because of their concern for someone else. So, here’s the scheme I was taught and have put into practise when dealing with sticky topics.

First the ground rules.  No one is allowed to express their opinion until the process is complete.  Even then they only do it through a vote.  So, no one says, “In my opinion…” or similar.  Some might find this hard, so assure them that they will be able to express their opinion later.

Sometimes I have found that an innocent practice session helps, if you have the time.  This could be based on a light-hearted proposal, such as proposing to double the minister’s stipend!  The practice and the actual difficult topic will be handled in the same way.

First, the Chairperson announces that we are going to focus on what might be an unhelpful outcome if the proposal is passed.  Each person present is asked to take a moment to think about what might be an unhelpful comment.  Then, in turn, each person is asked to contribute one negative point.  They should do this in an objective and dispassionate way.  Remember, the idea is not that anyone is arguing to support their opinion.  Those in favour of the proposal must be prepared to help identify possible negative outcomes.  Once everyone has had an opportunity, repeat the process by growing to each person in turn until you are satisfied that all the negative points have been mentioned.  It really helps if these can be written down either on a flipchart or large piece of paper.  This should then be displayed.

The process is then repeated, but this time, exploring what would be good or positive if the proposal is passed. Again, comments should be captured and the results displayed.  Remember that those who might be against what is being proposed must help identify all the possible good outcomes.

When the two exercises have been completed and everyone can see displayed the possible positive and negative outcomes, a moment of quiet prayer should be held before a vote is taken.

There is no guarantee that this will result in harmony and agreement but it is a better way to decision making than heated argument.  Some prayer after the vote might be wise.

Marginal decisions are not good decisions.  There will be too many people disaffected.  If agreement cannot be reached, it might be better to defer the item to another day or drop it altogether.

Go for quality and gracious conversation.  No one should leave the meeting, offended and hurt.  Be careful of the “God has shown me what we should do” approach, even if he has done.  Everyone should be valued in the decision-making process or you might as well not hold church business meetings.  Wouldn’t it be great if these meetings which, far too often, are the most unattractive aspect of church life, became times of spiritual enrichment and blessing?  Better business meetings; not bitter business meetings.

From the Diary

Give thanks for the webinar held earlier today.  Pray for those who attended who will be considering how to implement some of the ideas.

Give thanks for the excellent trustees meeting.  Several interesting decisions were made, and a new trustee welcomed.

Give thanks for some new promised financial support.  We are still a long way short of what is needed, but God is good.

Please pray as we hold discussions with some denominational bodies about how we might invest resources into their children’s work to reach young people in villages more effectively.

Give thanks for the Salvation Army’s Safeguarding Course on which I taught this week.  Those present at Malvern, Worcs. Were very responsive.

Please pray as I face a busy week, with significant activities each day from Monday to Friday, and sometimes several on the same day.  Please pray that each day I will be spiritually refreshed, walk close to the Lord, and be a blessing to others.

Thank you.

Yours sincerely in Christ,

Barry