Correct me if I'm wrong

On one of my visits to schools in the past I listened with interest to the way in which a teacher sought to correct the behaviour of a pupil.  She had asked him to remain behind after assembly, but she had done so with a gentle tone.  I was to learn that the boy had a tendency to react inappropriately.  He would get angry, wave his arms around, and be dismissive of any instruction where he felt he was criticised, and claim that no one listened or no one understood him.  You may know people like that.

On this occasion, when the other children had left, the teacher started by praising the pupil.  The school had a reward scheme and several adults in the school had rewarded him for behaving well over lunch.  The teacher reinforced this before talking about the immediate activity in which he would be involved.  “I want you to enjoy it,” she said, “to get the most you can out of it.  But you won’t if you start to get angry.”  She then went on the provide a coping mechanism that the boy could use if he began to feel frustration building up.  The boy listened quietly.  Finally, the teacher finished by assuring the boy he was not in trouble of any kind; what she had been saying was only with the intention that he would enjoy a better experience.

It was a privilege to be present at this master-class on admonition.  In the New Testament there is a Greek word, noutheteō, which many English translations have as “admonish”.  Others use “counsel” and/or “instruct”.   The Greek word occurs some eight times in the New Testament, and I would like to focus on Romans 15:14, for which the King James uses the expression “… able to admonish” and the NIVUK has “… competent to instruct one another.”

Many years ago, I read a wonderful book entitled Competent to Counsel by Jay Adams. In it he outlines what he calls “nouthetic counselling”. He argues that a sign of mature Christianity is reaching a situation in which we are able to give and receive correction – but done in the right way.  One of the strengths of many Christians is our passion about what we believe and do.  One of the great weaknesses of many of the same Christians, is the inability to express ourselves with gentleness and positive support.

In his letter to the Christians in Rome, Paul writes about their competence to instruct one another in the context of other qualities they express:

“I myself am convinced, my brothers and sisters, that you yourselves
are full of goodness, filled with knowledge and
competent to instruct one another.” (Romans 15:14)

This seems to imply that goodness in addition to knowledge is important if we are to instruct others appropriately and effectively.  It also implies that spiritual maturity enables us to both give and receive such instruction.  When someone says, “Correct me if I’m wrong…” that is not always what they mean!  But it is an attitude we should have.

I repeatedly state how much I value those who read what I write and who pray for me regularly.  Some kindly respond with encouragement.  One person does so almost every time.  Very occasionally, other friends take issue with what I have written.  I value these, every bit as much as the ones who applaud what I have written.  One good friend, very helpfully, suggested that in my last letter, using the word abandon in my comments about leaving the EU was inappropriate.  He was right, of course, and I edited the version on the blog. 

It was foolish of me not to take greater care and I apologise to any whom I might have offended.  The word used was not what I was seeking to express.  I refer to it now because it is a helpful and good example of what the apostle Paul wrote about to the Christians in Rome.

Why might we find it difficult give or receive admonition? These are really two separate questions, and I would like to ask the reader to provide the answers.  Perhaps you would be kind enough to write two lists.  I suspect that within your answers there will be something about how the other party acts or reacts.

May I ask you also to reflect on where you think you fit into that verse from Romans 15?  Are you easily correctable?  Do people welcome the way in which you provide correction?  There is something here about kindness and what that means when you see someone act inappropriately, or fail to act appropriately.

Drawing on a real example of good admonition from my school experiences is all well and good, but it would have been better if a similar example could have been drawn from church life.  But we can do better. Correct me if I’m wrong!

From the Diary

It has been a busy week with long working days and short nights. I have spoken at a number of assemblies in two different schools in recent weeks.  It’s great to hear a cheer when the children see me and I love it when parents tell me that their children come home and tell them what I did at school that day.  But this is a seriously important ministry so please pray this week as I am in ne schools on Monday and Tuesday.

Feedback from both prisoners and others concerning my work in HMP Gartree is also encouraging.  I love it when people talk about making the Bible come to life.  This coming Tuesday I will be back at Gartree where the numbers in the choir have shrunk.  Some men have moved to other prisons and some have new responsibilities that conflict with the practise times.  We are trying to enrol new members and this is important as we hope to organise an event in early September, and will only be able to do so if we get a few more men.

On Wednesday and Thursday this week I was in Swansea chairing meetings of the Congregational Federation’s Inter-Church Board.  I think the Board and several others present were happy with the outcomes.

I got back home to Market Harborough at 9.00 on Thursday evening and worked halfway through the night preparing for an important legal meeting in Eastbourne the following day.  This relates to a trust under a Will, and Elizabeth Ingram (co-trustee) and I value prayer.  The meeting went well so thank you if you prayed especially for that.  Wisdom and grace still needed to obtain the best outcome which, I fear, will not be what everyone will want.

Twice during my train journeys other passengers have engaged me in conversation and then sustained them.  The first was Robert, a scientist working in London.  He is a Christian and we had a useful conversation overheard by other passengers.  I had particularly felt I should pack a booklet to pass on so I gave it to Robert who planned to give it to his 15-year-old son.  The second person was a Philippine woman called Evelyn, who was facing several problems in her life.  I was able to encourage her and was aware of a good Salvation Army church in the town where she lives (not far from me).  As she got off the train she told me she would go to the Salvation Army, and gave me a hug and kiss.  Who knows what God will do as a result of these chance (?) encounters.

It has been good to have a couple of free Sundays.  Doreen and I were refreshed by last Sunday’s church experience. While we appreciated the worship, testimony and Bible teaching, what was most encouraging was the hospitality, which could not have been better. See the guidance notes about a better welcome on our website.  Click here.

Sunday, 17^th July is Rural Mission Sunday.  Please would you try to ensure that this is marked in some way in your church.  Your prayers for Rural Mission Solutions and the Rural Evangelism Network, and others involved in rural ministry and mission will be appreciated.  One person in six in the UK lives in a village, scattered area or small town.  Please pray for refreshment, renewal and revival of rural churches.  In the evening of that Sunday I shall be ministering at Welby Lane Mission Church, Melton Mowbray for the first time.

On Sunday 24^th July I will be back at Goodwood Evangelical Church, Leicester when their usual music team will be absent.  It would be good to find someone who might join me that morning to help with the music.

Prayers please for Lynne and her family (Yelvertoft church secretary) in hospital after an operation to remove a cancer from one of her kidneys; for the family of my old friend and former colleague, Alfred in hospital following a heart attack; and for the family of Chris (living in France) who worked with me in the sixties and then went to France in mission.  He has been called home to glory.

I close by once more thanking you sincerely for your interest and prayers.  Don’t forget to make those two lists about giving and receiving instruction.  You might also find it helpful to join me in some self-examination on the subject.

I pray the Lord will abundantly bless you.

Barry