Reflection on Loss

 Reflections on Loss

We all knew that she could never live forever, and yet the passing of Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II seems to have proved a shock to millions of people across the nations that make up the United Kingdom.  A tidal wave of grief seems to have swept through countries around the world.  Tears have been shed by many of the hundreds of thousands who have shown their respect for the Queen by queuing for hours in the cold to show process past her coffin in Westminster Hall.  Many more have wept in front of their television sets. It is as if the personal sense of bereavement has somehow touched people who had no previous contact with their sovereign during their lifetime.

It seems as if much else has been put on hold for the moment, including our readiness to acknowledge the new King Charles III.  He has, of course, led the country in formal yet personal expressions of mourning.  The cries of “God save the King” have seemed strangely muted even when they have been expressed.  It is as if we feel it is not time yet; we have not quite let our late queen go.  Perhaps we will see a change after the funeral this Monday.

It is that ‘letting go’ that is sometimes hard to do.  In my own life, it has been a little over two years since I lost my beloved wife of 45 years.  My observation is that it often takes two years from a moment of such a bereavement before life begins to return to some sense of normality and life can go on.  Many grieve for longer.

All of this has given me pause for thought about how loss is experienced within church life, and how, when handled poorly, that sense of loss can hold back much needed change.  It is as if, sometimes, allowing change to take place dishonours the memory of those who were once part of the way things were, but whom we have since lost.

In our weekly online Bible studies, we have been exploring the Acts of the Apostles recently.  Of course, for them mourning the death of their Master became pointless as they celebrated his resurrection.  Even the loss of his presence after the resurrection became compensated for - or perhaps even more - on that day when the promise of his continuing presence was fulfilled at Pentecost.  They were not left as orphans (John 14:18).  Life went on as it had always been meant to.  And how it went on in signs and wonders and the conversions of thousands.

Letting go of what has passed is not easy.  Will the photographs of Her Majesty gradually be replaced by those of His Majesty.  Should they?  And in our own lives, eventually, the clothes and so much besides that remind us of the losses we have experienced will be replaced by new items, and perhaps even a new person.  And yet in churches and chapels across the country, memorials to those who have gone before - sometimes hundreds of years before - surround us as we gather to worship an unchanging and eternal God.

It is not that I fail to appreciate history; quite the contrary.  It is more that I regret our general inability to let go of what has been so that the new thing God longs to bring to our churches might come.  We are stuck in the past.  I repeat the point I made earlier, that perhaps we fear that letting go and welcoming change dishonours the memory of those who helped to make the past what it was.

You must reflect on the issue of change in your own life and church. Could we be experiencing a tidal wave of new blessing because we cannot let go?  So much of our church culture reflects the past.  Why do some churches hold onto hymn books written long ago?  Why do people fight to retain pews that were once necessary but are no longer fit for purpose?  Why do we hold onto (wait for it!) buildings that drain our resources that belong to our past?  Is this a British characteristic?  How important is our ‘hymn sandwich’ on Sundays?  If our forms of worship satisfy us but clearly do not appeal to most of those God loves around us, why can’t we let them go?

As we weep for the loss of our much-loved Queen which, doubtless, will remind us of other personal losses experienced, let us do so with an eye on a new era that is dawning.  Let us welcome change, not because we hate the past but rather that we love the past that was once new and different to those to whom the past belonged.  We can let it go - even if it is painful for a while.  Are we stuck?  Worse still, is God stuck because we find moving on so difficult?

It is right to pause at such times as this.  In Rural Mission Solutions, we were ready to run a promotional programme for a national consultation but felt that this should be paused as a mark of respect, and the date for the event postponed. The main purpose of the consultation will be to explore how churches can better engage with those around them.  It will wait, but not long.

When I was studying business management, I was introduced to a quotation, “Change is here to stay.”  In other words, simply to change only to become stuck again, is wrong.  Life goes on, and I hope that our desire for it moves us on.  Right now, my home is unnecessarily cluttered because I tend to hoard rather than throw things away.  But I need to downsize and move my home.  But I cannot do that until I have got rid of old documents and equipment which are now of little or no value.  A very good friend stayed in my home a few weeks ago and helped me with this task.  Like many, I can teach people about efficiency but fail to practise what I preach!

That said, if your church is struggling to let go of the past and grasp the future, I think I could be helpful.  Let me know.

Barry Osborne - 17th September 2022

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