Where Do I Go to Cry?

Some years ago when I was carrying out some research about rural churches I heard a story regarding an Anglican church building in Devon that had been destroyed in a fire.  Apparently it was situated on a hill top some distance from the village.  To replace the medieval building a brand new modern church was erected within the community.  It was built on sloping land and the architects had cleverly used this to develop a split-level building.  They had also done something very creatively regarding natural lighting.  Apparently light enters through windows somewhere in the roof and in such a way that the whole building is bathed in light.

While this splendid building had much to commend it the one negative comment was that the abundance of light meant that there were no dark corners where someone might sit and weep.  I wonder whether this could be a metaphor for the church experience of others and it is that subject I wish to explore a little here.

In all our lives there are times when either our own circumstances, or that of others dear to us, bring deep sorrow.  But Britishness, which afflicts many, means keeping a stiff upper lip and keeping your sorrow private.  People from other cultures may not react the same way.  We will all have seen scenes on the television of people in the middle east and elsewhere where public displays of distress at times of sorrow are the norm.

My question is where do we go at those times of deepest sorrow and how does this relate to Christian fellowship?

It seems to me that there are two different church experiences that are unhelpful.  The first of these is where there is such an emphasis on triumph and joyfulness that to express sadness would almost seem sinful (too  much light and no dark corners).  The other is orderly church where any kind of emotionalism is not wanted.  But surely church, in the sense of a fellowship meeting, is just the place we should be able to go and weep.  Perhaps that already happens at your church but if not you might ask yourself what would happen if someone broke down and wept uncontrollably halfway through next Sunday's service?  Would it be ignored?  Would it be received sympathetically?  Would it be seen as unwelcome?  Would it need to be 'managed' to minimise the disturbance?

One of the most popular contemporary Christian songs is "As the deer pants for the water so my soul longs after God". It is a song that evokes worship and thankfulness, but which when we sing it we usually miss the pathos behind these words which come from Psalm 42.  While the psalm opens with these words they are expressed in the context of sorrow, if not great agony.  The psalmist goes on to say, "My tears have been my food day and night..."  Three times in the space of this short psalm the writer speaks of feeling downcast.  In verse seven it seems that the writer is describing waves of deep grief breaking over his soul.  It reminds me of Hannah who was in deep anguish at the temple such that Eli thought she was drunk (See 1 Samuel 1).

I don't suppose any of would want to go to church to have a miserable experience, but I hope that we would all want our church gathering to be a context where people can feel free to weep and be open about the depth of their experiences when going through life's storms.  How else can we truly "Mourn with those who mourn"?

A few years ago a Christian magazine ran an article entitled "The Sunday Lie In".  It pointed out that when we arrive at church and someone asks how we are, we feel obliged to say that everything is fine even when it is far from fine.  Why can't we not be honest in church about our feelings whether they are of joy or deep sadness?

Most regular readers of this blog will be aware that my very good friend and colleague of around forty years was diagnosed earlier in 2014 with an aggressive brain tumour.  Since that time she has remained amazingly positive, buoyed up by her faith.  Her attitude has been so positive that some medical professionals have wondered whether she had fully grasped the terminal nature of her condition.  But this has been a hard week for her.  Even as I write this I know that normally she would not want me to share that with you.  But the God who, as Jesus, wept alongside Martha and Mary at the graveside of their brother takes no pleasure in pretentiousness.

Perhaps the best test of the quality of Christian fellowship is when someone finds the courage to weep in our presence.  Please pray for my friend Monica and for others who face similar situations (you know who you are). Pray too for their Christian friends and church fellowships that we might be all that we should be a places where - if necessary - they can cry.  God is able.

Matters for Praise & Prayer
The trustees of Sunrise Ministries (incorporating Rural Mission Solutions) meet on Monday in London.  Please pray for wisdom.

On Tuesday I fly to Northern Ireland where I will be until Friday as a guest of the Non-Subscribing Presbyterian Church at their Annual Synod.  The NSPCI are a small denomination and in many ways have similar aspects to the Congregational Federation in which I am a minister.  One of my roles within CF is as Chair of Inter-Church Board that has been participating in discussions with the NSPCI.  We have had some precious times of Christian fellowship during these conversations.

The following week contains a Conference on Making and Growing Disciples in the Countryside, which I will have to miss because of other commitments.  Please pray for the conference organisers as they make final preparations for what I hope will be a very special event.

Please pray for my wife, Doreen who had a bad fall and cracked or broke some ribs not long ago.  The fall was probably the consequence of the condition of peripheral neuropathy that affects her balance and walking.  Please pray that she will be safe while I am away over the days of this coming week.

Give thanks for God's gracious provision that has enables us to do so much over the past month.  The 2014 Annual Report and Accounts for Sunrise Ministries comes to the trustees on Monday and will be available soon afterwards.  A small deficit is shown for 2014 but we are grateful for faithful friends and some supportive churches.

Yours gladly in His service,

Barry

Vulnerability

About t en days ago (before all the sad news about Paul Flowers) I wrote down the word "Vulnerable" with a view to using the concept for last weekends news blog.  However, once I started writing it took on a different direction.  I think what had triggered this thought was the way in which in many situations we seem disinclined to acknowledge personal vulnerability, preferring instead to project a more positive image of ourselves and of the churches and organisations we represent.

As someone brought up on the King James Version of the Bible my mind went to James 5:15 which reads "Confess your faults to one another...." The word 'faults' implies a certain weakness, a propensity to get things wrong, or a vulnerability.  However,  the KJV betrays a certain anti-catholic bias perhaps in that the word used in the Greek text is hamartia which is usually translated sin. Indeed in the letter from James the same Greek word appears five other times and on each occasion the KJV translators render it sin. (see 1:15 (twice), 2:9, 4:17, and 5:20).

But perhaps reading these other passages provides an understanding of what James understands sin to be.  Take, for example the passage in chapter 4 where  he states that just failing to do what you know is good, is sin.  Again in chapter 5:20 "erring from the truth" is sin within the life of a Christian.  Maybe, in the light of all that James has to say about practical Christian living there cannot be one among us who can avoid being defined as a sinner!

Is it more healthy to be more open about our human nature and our propensity to mess up and miss opportunities to do the right thing?  I had a personal experience this week regarding the aspect of knowing what is good and failing to do it.  I had been asked by a colleague on the prison chaplaincy team if I would talk with someone who was a Hindu and who had recently lost his father.  The person making the request made clear that it was not important for me to stay and meet with this man as he intended to speak with him anyway.  Time was short and if I said I would meet with him it would take up at least another hour, and I had a pile of work to do. So I said that it was not very convenient at that time.  He said it didn't matter and he would meet with him.  But as I left the room I knew I should have said I would stay.  But the opportunity had passed and could not be recovered (though I tried).  I came home feeling bad about myself.

Acknowledging when we mess up in such a way does require being willing to make ourselves vulnerable. Naturally, we want to be thought of as 'better than that'. So instead of being honest we project the image we would rather people saw, even if it's a lie.  A number of years ago a ministry colleague told me about his experience in attending a ministers fraternal meeting.  Each person had to give a short report about their church and he was amazed to hear such glowing stories.  He felt people were not being entirely honest.  Feeling that there must be someone who was struggling and not a brilliantly successful minister he deliberately spoke about some negative issues when it came to his turn.  To his surprise all who had yet to share their story responded by stating that they were glad that their churches weren't like that!  They just had to keep up the illusion.

The Bible makes clear that putting spin on things is not righteous.  The stories of the Bible, both Old Testament and New, reveal children of God who have feet of clay.  Take King David for example, or Moses getting angry, or Peter who is openly accused of hypocrisy (and then Paul writes to a church and tells them all about it!).  The Bible tells us that if any in leadership in the churches sin they should be publicly rebuked.  But when we are confronted with the weakness and failing of a fellow believer, we should always act in love, and be aware that we too will be judged in the way that we judge others.

In Romans 15:14 Paul commends the Christians in Rome because they were able to admonish one another.  An admonition is not harsh criticism.  Rather it is positive, helpful and supportive corrective advice.  This passage suggests that their maturity enabled them both to admonish and to be admonished.  So obviously there was at least some degree of honesty about weakness and failings. Could it be that our inability to make the spiritual progress we should be making is a lack of honesty about ourselves, both before God and one another?  Perhaps there is more than one way of understanding what is meant by the Sunday lie in! In the light of the Coop Bank debacle and the embarrassment caused to the Methodist Church I wonder whether at sometime in the past Paul Flowers allowed himself to be more concerned about image rather than honesty, which then became a bad habit.

Recent News
This week I came under considerable pressure from the Charity Commission regarding the Christian Mission I have been endeavouring to help.  This meant that several important things (including spending time on my research as planned) had to be sacrificed in order to get several jobs completed.  I had to agree certain deadlines with the Commission and have been able to meet all except those beyond my control.  The Action for Christ aspects are now all up to date.  Part of the tasks has involved preparing some accounts for the original charity, Mission for Christ.  As the Mission bookkeeper and I started working on these various further serious matters have come to light regarding the actions of a former trustee.  Working on these historic matters has been very stressful for Heather, the bookkeeper who has also been unwell.  We are grateful that we can rely on Heather and I ask you to pray for her as we work through these tasks.

On Friday Doreen, my wife, had a nasty fall in our garden, landing badly on her back and probably cracking a few vertebrae.  We spent that afternoon and part of the evening in a local A& having examinations and x-rays.  We return on Monday afternoon when we anticipate her having an MRI scan. She is in significant pain and I have had to take on the role of carer.  So more juggling of priorities.  Please pray that she gets the MRI and that appropriate actions follow.  It does not help that she already has peripheral neuropathy caused by deterioration to the spinal column.  This affects her balance and ability to walk.

The Coming Week
Sunday 24 -  9.00 Gartree Prison and 10.45 Yelvertoft Congregational Church
Monday 25 - 1.00 School Assembly, Lubenham, Leics. Immediately following Doreen has an appointment at Kettering Hospital.
Tuesday 36 - 1.00 to 3.30 Gartree Prison.  Then travelling to East Sussex if Doreen is fit enough to be left.
Wednesday to Friday 27 - 29 Activities in East Sussex related to Mission for Christ.
Sunday  1st December - Yelvertoft.

There is further work on bookkeeping for Mission for Christ required and, if possible, some time must be given to the research.

All this is subject to Doreen's health.  My responsibility as her husband is part of ministry and a trust from God.

Thank you for your prayers and also thanks for those providing financial support for the ministry.  Please excuse me if I fail to acknowledge correspondence and gifts at this time.

Barry