Why Forgive

I started writing these reflections following the brutal murders in Charleston, South Carolina a few weeks ago.  Since then there have been other acts of sectarian violence and murder.  Forgiveness for such acts does not come easy.  I wonder what you thought when some of those at Charleston almost immediately spoke about forgiving the man who had done this terrible act.  They stated that "Hate would not win".

My own reaction was to wonder whether they had acted without due thought.  I also wondered what exactly might have been the motivation in speaking words of forgiveness so soon after the event. Did they feel it was the "Christian thing to do"?  Did they hope that by countering hatred with love the man might become ashamed?  Did they think that it was what God expected?

Such declarations of forgiveness have become a common practise particularly among evangelical churches, so much so that it has become a kind of pop theology.  This in turn can cause some people deep hurt.  For example, one priest in the Church of England resigned her position when she found she could not forgive the people who caused the 7/7 disaster in which her daughter died. She felt guilt for her inability to forgive.  Another friend who was sexually abused within a church context and by a person whose help she was seeking was publicly verbally attacked on a Christian radio broadcast because she confessed she could not forgive her abuser.  In such situations Christians and a poorly informed culture added guilt to the hurt already being suffered.

While it is true that God loves unconditionally, the Bible does not provide evidence to suggest that he forgives unconditionally.  Indeed the Bible makes clear that forgiveness is only possible on the grounds of true repentance.  Love makes forgiveness available.  It is as if it is waiting in the wings, just waiting to bestow its blessing.  If that is how God's righteousness is expressed is there not a danger when Christians speak words of unqualified forgiveness?  Where does God's justice come into the situation?

I fully understand that it can be a healthy thing to be able to forgive.  Certainly carrying bitterness and resentment around can be harmful to our personality and hinder spiritual development.  The Bible counsels against such a situation.  It is therefore a good thing to be ready to forgive those who have hurt us.But when the Bible speaks about the importance of forgiving and places it in the same context as our being forgiven by God, surely this means on the same terms.

We also need to be careful regarding what we are forgiving people for, when it comes to third party injury.  If we have suffered the loss of a loved one then we might be able to forgive the perpetrators for the loss and hurt we have felt.  But we cannot forgive the perpetrators for what they have done to their victim.  God alone can do that.  The young man who committed the murders in Charleston will no doubt feel the full weight of the law and due punishment for his crimes.  Furthermore he needs to know that he is living under the wrath of a loving and holy God.  I hope that he will experience sufficient conviction for his sin that forgiveness might be experienced.

It is commendable that Christians in Charleston felt able at that moment to speak words of love and forgiveness. Personally, I think such words would have greater weight after the shock and pain had really sunk in.  However, I applaud their desire.  But we should take care not to be casual when it comes to forgiveness, and hand it out like sweeties.  Holding people to account for what they have done is often the more loving act.

Monica Cook's Funeral

Friends who had come to know Monica at various stages in her life and who could manage the journey gathered at Holy Trinity Parish Church on Friday as we laid her mortal remains at rest.  It was a warm and pleasant summer afternoon as we gathered to honour her memory and to support her family in their loss. After the service their was warm fellowship  as people shared their memories.

The service was recorded both as an audio recording and a video recording.  These are available for people to download.  In order to access these you will need Dropbox, which is a free and useful programme.  If you do not already have Dropbox please let me know as I can gain the benefit of extra storage space if you sign up on my recommendation.  If you do already have Dropbox please email me so that I am aware of your email address and can share the folder with the photos and recordings.

Please note that the provisional date for the Thanksgiving Event is the afternoon of Sunday 13th September.  Further information will be sent out once this is confirmed.

From this week's diary

Sunday 5th July - Yelvertoft Congregational Church
Monday 6th July - School Assembly, Lubenham, Leics.
Tuesday 7th July - HMP Gartree
Friday 10th July - Taking part in a constitutional meeting for the Free Churches Group, London
Saturday 11th July - attending the Induction Service for the Rev Stephen Haward, Market Harborough Congregational Church.

Over the past few weeks Doreen and I have received many messages of fellowship at this time of loss of a special colleague.  These have been very much appreciated.  It has been a demanding time as I have had to correspond with around 350 people.  If I have failed to respond to a card, letter or email, I hope that you will understand.  The many kind and generous comments about Monica and the ministry we have shared has meant a great deal to me.

Thak you,

Barry

Saying Sorry is Not Always Good Enough

Any Christian listening to the Today programme on Radio 4 last Thursday  would have been intrigued to hear an extended interview with a lady called Maureen Greaves.  Maureen's husband Alan was brutally battered to death by two young thugs while he was on his way to a Christmas Eve church service in Sheffield in 2012.  Maureen is a committed Christian, as was Alan.  This came over clearly in the interview as she spoke about her forgiving the men that had taken the life of the man she loved.

It was a sensitive interview and teased out something of the relationship between forgiveness and justice.  The topic was followed up in another helpful interview with two others reflecting on Maureen's testimony and the topic of forgiveness.  It has also reached other aspects of the UK media.

As I was about to teach on the subject of sexual abuse and the pastoral care of victims at a meeting for officers in the Central London Division of the Salvation Army I thought I should incorporate a recording of the interview and use it as a discussion starter.  So I produced a video to incorporate the audio recording and included various slides with pictures of Alan and Maureen and some quotes taken from a UK newspaper interview.Also among the slides are some pertinent questions on the difficult issue of forgiveness.

It is a difficult and complex issue and after seeing the video we had an excellent discussion at the meeting in London on Monday 6th January. I'm happy to make the video available to others who might wish to use it.  You can contact me at barry@ruralmissions.org.uk. (Please put 'Videos' in the subject line)

While I have no hesitation in stating that God loves everyone all the time and unconditionally, I cannot say that God forgives everyone unconditionally.  To do so would be a denial of his character of being just.  I also believe that it is absolutely wrong for Christians to rush headlong into a process of forgiveness without at least some understanding of what they are doing.  Sadly, this runs counter to what we hear a lot from pulpits and sometimes from poorly informed counsellors.

In the interview Maureen repeatedly stated that she had forgiven the men who killed her husband.  But what had she forgiven them for.  She could certainly forgive them for taking her husband from her, but she certainly could NOT forgive them for the act of murder.  That is not her prerogative.  By contrast, Jesus could forgive those who drove nails through his hands and feet and who gambled below the cross for the last piece of property he owned.  Similarly, Stephen, the first Christian martyr, could forgive those who threw the stones that killed him.  But you or I could never grant third-party forgiveness - nor could even Mary.

I also asked  the group to reflect on what Maureen thought she was affecting by her act of forgiveness.  We know that being able and willing to forgive anyone for a hurt we have suffered can bring peace and healing as we let go of malice, bitterness and resentment. Maureen was a secondary victim of the brutal act the men committed and in offering her forgiveness for that hurt she might affect the hearts and minds of the villains - if it increased a feeling of guilt and remorse.  Others hearing her loving words might also be affected and moved to be more loving and forgiving themselves on personal matters.

A third discussion centred around 'feelings' and punishment.  Maureen stated that she had not felt rage - just bewilderment that anyone should do something so dreadful to the man she loved.  Later she did say that she had some negative feelings and has found herself needing to repeat the act of forgiving them.  I think that unless a person feels some kind of anger or rage over what has been done to them the act of forgiving is less significant.  If we hurt and feel the pain then forgiving has deep meaning.  If it is costless then it could be worthless (not that I am suggesting that Maureen's act was worthless; far from it).

She was asked if she was 'happy' with regard to the prison sentences given to the two young men.  One has to serve a life sentence with a minimum tariff of 25 years before he can even be considered for parole.  The other man was found guilty of manslaughter and was given a nine year sentence.  Maureen stated that she was happy with the life sentence but thought that nine years was too lenient.  She and her family have contented themselves on the lesser sentence on the grounds that when that man is released his face will be well known and they felt his punishment would be more intense after release. "From the start", she said "I wanted justice for Alan".

It is at this point that the interview exposed a hole.Maureen had repeatedly stated that her act was based on the extraordinary forgiveness she had received from God for her sins.  She spoke of God 'forgiving and forgetting'.  Was she, perhaps, acting like the man in the parable Jesus told as recorded in Matthew 18: 23 -35?  The discussion digressed slightly to reflect on John 20:22.  Let's come back to that as it is difficult.

Maureen went on to make a good point.  People that do wrong need to receive due punishment.  It is good for them and for society in general that this is so.  So, unlike the forgiveness we receive from God ,which comes with justification and so no punishment, accepting the rightness of their punishment (and even feeling that one sentence was too short) is right - but perhaps using the word 'happy' was unfortunate.  On the other hand, closure is needed so I don't want to minimise the psychological and emotional benefit derived from the sentences being served.

The final discussion was on what was effected (achieved) by her act of forgiveness.  For her it seems to have brought some peace.  We don't know that it has had effect on the men (that is stimulating remorse and real repentance).  I think it is important to state that it will not have had an effect on God regarding his relationship - or lack of it - with these men.  In God's eyes They remain sinners and his forgiveness requires genuine repentance, and genuine repentance means more than saying sorry.

So let's go back to that tricky verse in John 20:22.  I don't think that this gives to anyone the ability to act in a priestly way to absolve someone from their sins where there is no real repentance.  I certainly do not think that anyone (including ordained priests) have authority to forgive sins that have not been committed against them (i.e. acting as a third person).  I do believe that where we have been sinned against and where we have grace to forgive them, and where they wish to acknowledge culpability and receive forgiveness, then in such a situation where we give forgiveness they are also forgiven in heaven.  But true repentance will always be expressed in a willingness to accept any earthly consequences that follow the sin (e.g. a prison sentence).

I am happy to point people to the words of 1John 1:9.  Where there is acceptance of culpability, true remorse to the extent of openly acknowledging guilt than I am happy to give assurance that in such situations God justly forgives so that "there is now no condemnation to those in Christ Jesus..." (Romans 8:1).

Forgiveness is something precious and we should not cheapen it by passing the words around like sweets from a bag.  In every situation there are always more than one person involved.  Being willing to forgive and offering that is not actually effecting forgiveness if there is no true repentance.  So we need to be careful how we use the term.  We need to consider the issue not just from our side (if it is we who want to forgive); we need to consider the impact on the perpetrator, and also of its impact on society, and in the eyes of God.  Let's be careful that we do not short change someone of a process of grace, or worse still pass them a dodgy note that has forgiven printed on it but is frankly worthless.

From the diary
Sunday 5th - Yelvertoft Congregational Church
Monday 6th - London Central Division of the Salvation Army
Monday evening - video conference for trustees of Mission for Christ
Tuesday 7th - Gartree Prison
Thursday 9th - Bible Discussion Meeting, Yelvertoft
Sunday 12th - Yelvertoft Congregational Church
Monday 13th - Research into Rural Evangelism
Monday 13th - - a telephone conference for the Mission and Society Committee of the Congregational Federation.
Tuesday 14th - Gartree Prison.

I pray that you will be greatly blessed in 2014, which you will be as you seek to walk well with God.

Thank you for your fellowship.

Barry