Ministry Stress

“What are you doing here, Elijah?” (1 Kings 19: 9 and 13)

In past issues of Praise & Prayer News I have emphasised the importance of caring for those who carry the burden of pastoral leadership in our churches.  They are usually a church’s greatest asset, but often more care is taken of the building than of the pastor.

All of us experience degrees of stress.  Some stress can be valuable. Other aspects of stress can be debilitating or worse.  Those of us in ministry must be watchful for the signs when stress is building to serious levels.  Ignoring it can be disastrous. Those of us who are part of a church but not carrying the burden of leadership, should ensure that those who do are well supported and given sufficient time for physical, mental and spiritual refreshment.

Some years ago, a Christian friend commented deridingly about the concept of full time ministry.   He pointed out that he had to hold down a full time job, carry domestic responsibilities and also attend church services.  “Surely”, he implied, “that was just as demanding as the pastor’s role!” But while going to church on Sunday is one thing for a member of a congregation, but quite another for the one for whom it is another work day, especially in a week of workdays.

Leadership is often described as a lonely position.  It is just as true in Christian ministry as in other aspects.  In fact it sometimes carries additional stress where the hours of loving service seem to be unappreciated and often criticised.  It would take a fool to go into Christian leadership without a strong conviction that this is a call from God. Those who take on such a responsibility do so often with unhealthy, or potentially unhealthy expectations.  In addition to their own expectations of themselves, there are those of their congregation, in rural contexts there are the expectations of the wider community, the expectations of family and friends, and for those in hierarchical denominations: the expectations of their seniors.  All such expectations generate stress.

Have you ever wondered why Elijah, one moment full of courage, suddenly ran away? Or why Moses lost it at Meribah, striking the rock twice in frustration when what he should have done was to speak to it?  Or what made Peter, who hours before had protested his dying loyalty to Jesus, declare that he never knew him? Each indicates a degree of stress that made a man act uncharacteristically. Such incidents seem to spoil an otherwise exemplary man of God.  While we can explain aberrative behaviour as being because they were only human, to fail to discern the causation is to miss an important lesson. Faced with the sudden threat of a painful death, or weariness with the conduct of others, or shear exhaustion, stress levels can suddenly reach breaking point.

As a carer, I know that when I am worn out and when the person being cared for, because of her medical condition, behaves in a frustrating way, I find it harder to cope and understand why some don’t.  As a pastor I once lost it with an elderly and demanding woman who failed to appreciate the selfless sacrifices her loving husband made day after day. I was bringing her home from the hospital where her GP had sent her to give her worn out husband a short break, when she started telling me how selfish her husband was. I stopped the car and informed her in a loud voice that she was the most selfish person I had ever met and that I was disappointed and disgusted with her.  Immediately, I was filled with guilt at my loss of control. But she was far more considerate after that, and when she reminded me of my extreme behaviour afterwards, it was usually with some humour in her voice.

Months of pent up stress caused by her behaviour and contained by my own expectations of how a loving pastor should behave, had finally given way.  Looking back, I think it was actually one of my better moments as a pastor, for her and her husband’s sake, and probably my own. Afterwards, she and I had a far better relationship, as I refused to back down from what I had said to her.

Realising that stress allowed to build up can have serious consequences should make us careful to manage our stress levels.  If I listen to my kettle when boiling water for tea, I know precisely what stage it is at many seconds before it boils. So watch out for the signals of aberrative behaviour such as a loss of control of your thought life or unusual bad language.If you spot it, and know what is causing the stress, take appropriate action.

Good Christian leaders will always live with a degree of manageable stress, but it needs to be managed.  Those of us who are or who want to be beneficiaries of their leadership should take care not to become a cause of unnecessary stress.  A few kind words or a loving act from you might save someone from following the examples of Moses, Elijah and Peter. After all “We’re only human!”

Barry Osborne 28 July 2019